The countdown I never asked for.
As I enter the final year of my last child’s high school journey, I find myself taking one very deep breath. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that writing has always been my escape—the place I go when my heart feels a little too full. And right now, it is overflowing. I also know I’m not alone in this season. So many of you have stood here before, are standing here with me now, or know all too well the flood of emotions that comes with realizing that a chapter you thought would last forever is suddenly coming to a close.
Senior year is really a year of lasts for the parent, too.
I remember when my first headed off to college and how bittersweetingly devastating it was. It’s almost like senior year of high school is so fun and so busy that it’s a massive distraction from the heartbreak that is about to punch you in the gut. The last first day, the last high school football game, the last pasta dinner with the team you’ve known for years, the last random weekday movie night, the last peek in the bedroom to check on him, the last hemming and hawing about the laundry you need to pick up off the floor… but most of all, it’s the last year you are all under one roof.
Becoming a family of three took some getting used to. After my eldest’s drop off, the rhythm of our home suddenly felt different, and I think we all felt it in our own way. We learned to slow down, give each other a little more grace, and be more intentional about which battles were actually worth fighting. Emotions ran high at times, but somewhere in the middle of navigating this new dynamic, the three of us grew closer. We found a new rhythm—and, in many ways, a deeper appreciation for the time we still had together.
And now BOOM! It’s his turn. Allllll the senior memories still to come, and I’m already biting my lip, trying to hold back the tears and reminding myself: stay right here, Gaelle. Don’t rush ahead. Just soak it all in.
Tomorrow is day ONE of senior year and he is so ready. We’re just a few steps away from hitting submit on those dreaded college applications and then comes the waiting… wondering where he’ll land and what this next chapter will look like. The pressure sucks—there’s really no better way to say it—but we keep reminding him that where he gets in, where he doesn’t, or where he ultimately ends up will never define him. A college acceptance isn’t a measure of his worth, his potential, or the person he’s becoming. It’s simply the place where his next chapter will begin. So we’re doing our best to keep things light, happy and as stress-free as possible. Because more than anything, I want this year to be about soaking it all in, making the memories, and eventually tying this entire four years up with one big, fat bow.
So before the nest gets quiet, I plan to soak up every single minute of this year—to be present for all of it, to hold on a little tighter, and to remind myself not to rush ahead and grieve what is still right in front of me. This chapter isn’t over yet. And I plan to be fully here for every last beautiful second of it (and order lots of tissues).
xo, gaelle
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